one word: firstdatebathroomanal
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
