guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
