some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
