Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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