:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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