when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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