They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
