Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
