Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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