it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
