3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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