This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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