I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
