we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she told me i tasted like america
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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