apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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