So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's blow job season.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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