hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
