You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Randomize
