At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
