In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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