I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
