so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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