Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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