She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
