your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
