He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
