Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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