He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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