u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What a dumb baby whore.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
All the doctor said was why
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
