And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize