There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
