you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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