We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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