WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
