Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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