I wish I could teleport
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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