Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
