I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
