did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
