it was like having sex with a tree stump
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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