We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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