So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
