"it" just moved
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
The power of my boobs compel you
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
