I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
