you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
