there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize