found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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