I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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