Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
