I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He shit in the fireplace
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
