i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
