Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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