ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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