I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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