My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize