Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize