I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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