Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
