The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
