you guys were way drunker than both of me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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