It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
