ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
