the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
