I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
