y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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