You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
