You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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