Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
