Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
