he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
