im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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