She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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